Funnel Cakes, The Sixth Sense, and a Life Lesson...for me at least!

So, in my teaching days, I would have various daily grades and quizzes that would vary what day of the week they were on.  Except 1.  Every Monday, we would do “Current Events.”  When I started teaching, it had to be an actual newspaper article taken from a hard copy newspaper.  The article had certain parameters it had to meet, and once a month, they could choose to do a sports article or perhaps a celebrity article…just to keep it fun.  They would then have to stand in front of the class and give a brief summary of the article and take 2 questions.  Often they didn’t have access to the answer, but it was fun to take part in this event every week.

Then…the internet.

Now instead of heading to the local hometown paper or the USA Today if they could con their parents into getting one on the way to school, there was every type of article imaginable.  The favorite of the students was when they could find “Off Beat News” articles.  This became a once a month allowable incident.  And I must admit…those were not only the student’s favorites, but mine as well. 

We live in an Off-Beat World, right?

The All-Time Champion of Jesus Jukes!!!

OK, I am going to admit something here.  Like I haven’t admitted 50 things “here.”  But I love the Jesus Juke.  It is a way of speaking that was brought to light a few years back by Jon Acuff, so I can’t take any credit for it, but he is spot on.

If you don’t know what a Jesus Juke is, it is basically someone who turns any conversation or phrase said back to religion-ese.  It is annoying.  Aggravating.  It is the Christian equivalent of the old Debbie Downer SNL skit. (yes, I know SNL is debased and to reference it probably means I am not truly saved, but…I am , so get over it.)
 
“Man, this Starbucks coffee is soooo good.”

“Well, with the money you spent on that, 12 orphans in Uganda could’ve received shoes for Christmas.”

JESUS JUKE Guilt Trip.

Omniscience

We tend to look at things with such a small perspective.  Our minds are so shallow, really.  There are issues that I can study, research, etc and learn about, but do I ever truly grasp them?  I am not so sure.

In a sermon recently, one of my areas of small-sightedness (new phrase coined?  Feel free to use it) was revealed to me.  Often when this happens, it is to my detriment.  See my “I will pray for you, but probably not” post.  When I try to search my heart, what I often find is nasty and gross.

The truth that was revealed to me was not that.  It was sweet.  Awe-inspiring. Humbling.  Affirming.

TOP POST: I am MAD at my Pastor...

I think it is semi-sad this is my most viewed post.  I assume it is because alot of people are typing in that they are mad at their pastors, and they must be doing ALOT of reading about it to find my blog!!!  I have to be waaaaay down the list.  Then, I am no help, because I am actually not angry with my pastor after all...

Anyway, this is the most viewed post...so far:

I am upset with my Pastor.  He is a wonderful, godly man who I have known for years.  He has an impeccable reputation.  He started our church not quite 9 months ago, and we have an average attendance of right at 1,000 every week.  Awesome personality.  Fantastic teacher of the Word.  He has an amazing vision for what our church can be!

But, boy, am I mad at him right now....

I don't even know what this is supposed to look like...kind of like Twerking.

Man, so much to say.  So little worth saying.

Not trying to sound like a lyric or poetic, but that is how I feel.

I have started typing a blog post so many times in the last few months and I usually get about 3-4 paragraphs in, and self-doubt creeps in.  I start questioning my own premise.  Not sure I am worried about being right or wrong.  I am worried about what whoever reads it will think of me.

If you are reading this, you are probably one of the few who read regularly, and a couple of you know me personally…anonymous writing had advantages, but there is always the being known.

Also for me, because I am running from something, hiding out here, I feel vulnerable to unforeseen dangers. 

What if this person finds me here?  What if word gets out I have a blog? What if, what if what if?

I feel I have something to say.  Only a handful read it, and I have had positive feedback.

It’s the shame of my past.  I have no right to write anything with authority.  Who am I that I should be able to critique or even have an opinion on spiritual and moral matters?

I am not sure if this is a farewell post or not.

This blog started as a journal, suggested to me by someone who was counseling me through a very rough patch in my life.  One that I am not sure will ever end here on earth.

So, if a journal, I feel freedom to type this rambling, open-ended crap and don’t care that you think it is stupid and a waste of time to write it. 

I just don’t know if I should put it all away or start again under a different anonymous name.  Start one with my face on it?  Keep this all to myself?

We’ll see.

For now, I will re-publish some of my earlier posts…can’t hurt.  Maybe that will inspire…

David vs. Goliath...who you got in your bracket?

So, it is that time of year!  Statistically the worst time of year for employers because employee production slows tremendously.

Three different phenomena/events are all happening RIGHT NOW!!!  Combined they are a boss’s NigHTmArE!!

1.      First Week of Spring

2.      Turkey Season (possibly a southern thing only)

3.      MARCH MADNESS!

Yes, that is right.  The 68-team tournament to decide who the Collegiate National Champion is in basketball.  People who have watched approximately-exactly ZERO seconds of basketball will now fill out brackets and enter picking contests with abandon.  My Dad is one of those people.  He couldn’t tell you a single NCAA player’s name from any of the 68 teams.  Not one. But he has already entered 4 contests and printed out each bracket and will mark each win and loss....

Change in Perspective...from 4 Feet Away.

So, there I was, minding my own business...

I had done all the Saturday morning running around I had to do, but had the unfortunate, dreaded afternoon shift at the retail store where I work part-time.  I had an hour to kill, and frankly didn't feel like fast food.  This might surprise a few of my friends.  If you ever meet me, I will gladly sing the praises of what has to be the most amazing eating establishment ever opened on earth.  TACO BELL!  So tasty...and CHEAP!  (wait, is it o.k. to be a believer and not think ChickFila is the best...isn't it God's chosen fast food?? )

Nikolai Volkov and "Father-Kid-Sing-a-Song-a-Palooza!"

So...there I am singing away with my children driving home from MeMaw's house.  It was a typical trip.  Me in the front seat, trying to keep the kids entertained. 

My awesome 6 yr. old free spirit son, BB, singing when he wants and changing the last word of every line to something excruciatingly not funny, but to him...HILARITY!  Example: "Who's the King of the Jungle?  Who's the King of the sea (water, water, water)? Who's the King of the universe and who's the kind of Apples?"  or "Trees"  or "Toots"  He rarely uses "Toots" because he knows that will get a light little smacky-smacky smack on his leg.  Sometimes, though, he has to take that blow...for the sake of the art.

My determined  ALMOST 4 YR. OLD little gal, Peach, singing evey word perfectly, and though not quite able to hit that fifth note to harmonize, it won't be long.  She even looks determined like this is a free throw to win State!  Go Team!  Seriously, if you saw her singing in the backseat, you would think she was singing the Russian National Anthem alongside Nikolai Volkov in the old WCW days.  (if you don't get that reference, I truly feel sorry for you)  And the way she can block out the insanity in the seat next to her spewing from BB's mouth is quite remarkable!

DC Talk and "The Trash Can Party"

We live in the woods. 

At the end of a two lane gravel road.  Close enough to a Walmart and city folk to be comfortable, but just off the beaten path enough to have peace and quiet…most of the time.

This is great for my wife and me.  We love it down there.  Private, secluded.  The only people who come onto our property are there for a reason.  You don’t just “happen by” our house.  In 12 years, we have had 2 Jehovah’s Witnesses and zero Mormons.  And zero protestant churches.  (Perhaps a post for another day.)

My Children though…they aren’t keen on it.  Yet.

Spaghetti Sauce Stains, Restoration, and Justin Bieber

My kids are awesome. So fun. Love life. Moody. But sweet as can be.

One of the best traits of my kids(BB and Peach, for those who haven't read from when I first started ths blog)is their desire to help out around the house.

BB is my 6 year old, flighty boy who will gladly help out...for a good, rock solid 20 seconds before he wants to move on to other things. He is the same way with schoolwork, and is probably how I was at that age.

Peach is my almost 4 year old little girl who is doggedly determined in everything she does. Very temperamental. But when she sets her mind to something, she locks in and gets the task done. And she wants to do it right, or she starts crying.

This difference, as you can imagine, can lead to some vicious fights that would make the Hatfields and McCoys cringe.

That's a post for another day.

Last week, BB decided to help wash the dishes.

That's right. I said WE wash our dishes...WITH OUR HANDS. No fancy, new fangled electronical machine to do it. I often kid with people that our dishwasher is 41 years old...get it? And we still don't have internet at the house. Our house was built in 1969, and we have decided to live that way still today! (For some reason, my mind just started singing "Party Like It's 1969"...no offense, Prince, but I like my version better)

After cute little BB went off to bed, I went into the kitchen to put the dishes up. BB only washed his and Peaches' dishes that are those 2 compartment plates like some cafeterias have to keep the mystery meat from getting green bean juice on it. (Hey, I wrote a post about Green Brean Juice...go read it!) One is an Owl and the other is a Dog.

Well, in the drying rack, they fit stacked perfectly together. The Dog was on bottom and the Owl on top. I grabbed them both and was reaching to put them in, when I decided I better check them.

If you are a parent of a 6 year old flighty boy, you know what I found. The top plate was clean. The Owl was very clean. But the bottom of Owl and the top of Dog was filthy. Covered in spaghetti sauce and flecks of beef and tiny smashed noodle shards (does that work?) were all over them.

So, here's the question...what did I do?

COMMON SENSE would say...I cleaned them up.

I grabbed the washrag and detergent and got them clean. And that is what I did. Doesn't that make common sense?

What does NOT make sense would be if I said "I was grossed out by them, so I just threw them away." Agreed? Please say that you agree with this, or the next portion of my post will be useless to you...With some effort and time, I was able to get the plates usable again. Throwing them away would be..well...stupid.

Now...let's go to church.

What do we do when we find out that Deacon Jones, who looks clean on the top--- he is addicted to porn?

How about this...we find out that Sally-Sue in the youth group who goes on missions trips and sings solos on Sunday nights--- she's 2 months pregnant.

WHAT DO MOST CHURCHES DO?

What should we do?

"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should RESTORE HIM in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."- Galatians 6

Now, there will be a follow-up post written about my own train-wreck experience that started this entire blog and also gave me the name Lazarus...

I don't know much...but I know this. There is time for proper church-discipline. A good friend of mine and I have been hashing this issue out lately, and the Bible teaches there is a time for this.

But those times are rare.

Yet, I have seen many of my friends hurt, damaged, shunned, belittled, thrown out and banished without ANY effort on the part of the church to RESTORE the person.

Like me having to physically invest TIME and EFFORT to get that plate as clean as I could, so should the church invest TIME and EFFORT to restore.

I have no idea who reads this blog. I don't know where you are, who you are, or why you happened here. So, even though I don't know you, I still want to challenge you...

DON'T THROW PEOPLE AWAY WHEN THEY GET DIRTY! Put TIME and EFFORT into RESTORING THEM! Perhaps on the other side, they will be stained. They may never regain the luster they once had, but that's o.k. LOVE them and help them clean themselves up the best you can.

There have been a few people in my life who have come along and, whether they know it or not, have been vital in the process of my personal restoration. I was one of those thrown out, shunned and damaged. I have teetered on the brink of...alot of things, but there have been a few people who KNEW what I had done and LOVED me anyway and PRAYED with me and for me, and took genuine interest in my life...

So, to Joe, Eric, Lamar, Angela, Lindsay, and Scott....thank you.

Only JESUS could save my soul, but you saved my LIFE.



Don't throw people away.

I beg you.

2,000 Pageviews and Counting a.k.a. Surprising Fact about my Viewership.

So, my blog page passed 2,000 views this week. Considering I do absolutely ZERO in the way of advertising, broadcasting, facebooking it, I think that is pretty good. I have a grand total of 2 people who leave comments, and that is great. I like those two people.

Also, considering I am an internet klutz, I imagine at least 1,300 of the pageviews are me! Regardless...It was fun to look at the stats (which I just found out I could do) and see what pages get hit.

I am not sure how the whole internet search webby portal database thingy works, but easily...EASILY the most viewed page by outsiders who find my page by google or another search engine is entitled:

I am MAD at my Pastor!!!

I am sure there is an entire blog post lurking behind this fact.

Are there that many people MAD at their pastor? (I now realize it should've said ANGRY, but I digress)

To be fully open, the post was about how good my Pastor was at bringing truth to light, convicting me through his clear presentation of God's Word... But that was the most viewed...

For your info., Leslie and Joe, the next was the one about Best Actor. I assume I need to put more mainstream lingo in my titles to get readers!!!

Anyway, my whole point was wondering how many people must be MAD at their Pastor to stumble upon my rinky-dink page.

Hmmmmmm.

Something to think about....

Being Afraid of "Hell"...the word, not the place.

Ok...This may be the strangest confession I have ever made because it isn't really a confession of something "bad" or "evil."

A couple weeks back, my beautiful wife and two great kids were out of town visiting relatives. I couldn't go because I had to work. Or got to work. Feelin' me? Anyway, when I found out she was going to be gone on Sunday, I probably did the exact opposite of what I would've done a few years back. I got on the internet and started looking for churches and their service times, hoping to catch 3 services on a Sunday morning.

"What's that?" you ask. I wanted to map out a way to get to 3 services in one morning. The plan was to make the IFB church at 8, then my church by 9:15, then hopefully my friend's crazy, no holds barred worship at 11. Is that weird? BUT, my friend's daughters were giving a report in their church from a missions trip they recently went on at 10:30, so they kind of messed it all up. I only got to attend 2.

So, when I explained my Sunday plans to my friends and coworkers, they looked at me like I had a third ear growing out of my forehead.

As I thought more about it, I realized I spend waaaaaay more time looking up and listening to sermons on ITunes than I do songs. Piper, Platt, Groeschel, Washer, Chan, Furtick (sometimes), Driscoll (sorry Mom), and the list goes on and on.

My confession? "hi, My name is Lazarus and I am a sermon-aholic."

While I would love to say this has made me a markedly more spiritual person, I certainly have no way of gauging that. But I love hearing men of God speak about the Word. I try to gain something from each.  

What is the difference between me wanting to spend 4 hours going to church vs. my father-in-law wanting to spend 4 hours on the golf course? I am not saying one is better than the other, just trying to make myself feel better about this strange "addiction" I have. Anyway, this brought me to a lunchtime at my desk in my glorious, off-white cubicle here at work. We can get on the 'net during downtimes and during lunch, within certain perameters, of course.

Last week, I was perusing through the website of my own church, because I rarely do that, just to check it out. We have updated it and added new bios of our staff, which we have also added to. there are about 5 new staff members I didn't know anything about, so that was cool to read about their favorite verses, their hobbies, and favorite foods.

Then I clicked on the "SERMONS" tab and remembered that I missed last Sunday's message because I was out of town. So, there I was, feeding my addiction AT WORK!

Anyway, I listened to my pastor and caught something he said...He was speaking on Holiness and during the wrap, he presented the gospel. Clearly. Unabashedly. And he said something I never heard at my former church, or from many preachers these days...he said....hell. "If you do not choose to follow after Christ, you will spend eternity apart from God."

He said that. That seems to be the new PC way to witness to people. It isn't very offensive. It is safe. It won't scare many off. It doesn't make people uncomfortable. It is what I was taught to say in evangelism classes.

But then..."You will spend eternity in Hell."

Why do I think that is important? Because it is the truth. Not a half-truth. Not hedging. Not hiding. Full disclosure.

It seems often modern, relevant presentations of the gospel try to dodge the WORD Hell more than the PLACE Hell.
Hell is real.
Face it.

I am glad I attend a church that tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, SO HELP US GOD!!!

Centerpoint Fellowship Church
centeringlives.com

I Am Lazarus...and Others: Best Actor Award...Blast from the Past

I Am Lazarus...and Others: Best Actor Award...Blast from the Past

Best Actor Award...Blast from the Past

I am not a big fan of movie/tv/music awards shows, but I would be lying if I didn't say I tune in a few times a night to check them out.  Back in my free-wheelin' college days, I was actually into it a bit.  I would try to see all of the films up for Best Picture at the Oscars before the show.  Just a hobby...stop judging. (You have something, too.)

A couple Sundays ago, the Golden Globes were on.  My wife and I turned by when they were giving some kind of lifetime achievement award to Robert DeNiro.  They played an amazing montage of many of his movies.  He truly is fantastic.  Sitting there watching, probably 3 or 4 times I said "I forgot about him in that movie."  He has done a wonderful job in so many films, I guess I remembered the top 4 or 5, and kind of shuffled the rest away.

But when he started to make his speech...YIKES!

We Need To Be Them...and Occasionally Mexican

There is a group of people in the Bible that doesn't get enough credit. 

Wait...that's not how I write...

About two weeks ago, I was in town...alone.  My wife had stolen my kids away in the night and driven to see relatives 4 hours away.  Without me.  I knwe she was going, so I am being a bit overly dramatic, but the point is, I was in my hometown where there are hundreds of people that I know...yet, I was all alone. 

So, what was I to do??

i rented movies my wife wouldn't want to see (aka anything in the ACTION genre) and laid around the house eating Chinese food.  If the old adage "You are what you eat" was literal, I would be Chinese.  And Occasionally Mexican (note to self:  cool sounding name for the indy rock band you may one day but will never start: "Occasionally Mexican").

But as I lay (or is it laid) there trying to get some shut-eye, I felt guilty and a little bloated thanks to all of the fried rice, sugary sauce, battered and fried chicken, the egg roll and the delicious 32 oz. sweet tea I had consumed, so I decided the next morning I would head to the Y to get a workout in.  More to appease my conscience than anything.

So, I finally fell asleep at the latest time I have stayed up until in years...MIDNIGHT!!! 

I awoke, went to the Y and got a great workout in.  Saturday mornings are apparently not very popular for the workout scene.  There were 3 of us there and it was quiet.  No one was awake enough to speak, I suppose.

I burned my 600 calories or approximately 4% of what I had eaten the night before.  When I left, I felt I needed a treat.  

And right next to the Y is a Panera Bread.  Oh YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

To skip all the formalities and the discussion on the idiotic logic behind chasing my workout with a 520 calorie Spinach and Bacon Souffle', I ordered, Zach gladly put the deliciousness in a paper sack and away I went.  As I walked out, another gentleman was beside me.  I held the door for him as he was a step or so behind me and when I looked at him, he looked...well...a wreck!!!

He was covered in flour, appeared like he had been awake for a week straight and was completely a mess.

It hit me...he was the Baker!  He was the guy who made my soon-to-be workout minimizer.

I am a talkative sort, so I struck up a conversation and he obliged.  I found out that he goes to work every night at 11 and works until 8 the next morning, baking all of the tarts, scones, souffles, muffins, etc.  I had never thought about him.  Or that role.  I assumed they had frozen food, microwaved it and overcharged me to the max!  Right?  RIGHT?

But, no...There is a guy who stays locked inside Panera all night...working.  If it weren't for that guy, I would have no souffle.

Again.  I had never thought about him and his critical (overstatement?) role in the process...

There is another group of people I had never really noticed in the Bible.  They filled a critical (not an understatement) role in a certain episode and I have never thought about them.

Literally "them."

That is how they are referred to in John 11:44.  Who are they?  I don't know.  Have no idea who they were and certainly never acknowledged their role in the story.  

Lazarus had just been raised from the dead.  After 4 days.  He came out...Still Bound.  Basically, Lazarus was a nasty, filthy, disgusting, smelly mess.  His body had been restored, but that doesn't mean the cloths on him were now clean and smelled like daisies. He was gross.  Like, Gross Gross.

This hit me the other day...What if "them" hadn't answered the call?  If Lazarus came out, but was left all to himself, what would've happened to him?  He was wrapped tightly and his face and head were wrapped as well. 

He would've died.  Again.

"them" are very important people.  "them" helped restore Lazarus.

Today we need more of "them."

Often we hear great stories about addicts, prostitutes, drunkards and the like are "saved" from their lives of torture.  Very often we unfortunately hear about how they fell back in to sin.  Why? How can that be?

Just like Lazarus, who heard the voice of Jesus plainly and clearly, would've died AGAIN, so are we today.  There has to be a "them" to come along to help.  Why do I think that way? 
1. personal experience.  If you have read the first few posts of this blog, you know I am on a journey.  A journey back from being dead...spiritually and morally dead.  And if it weren't for some of the great men God put in my life and my beautiful, Godly wife...I am 99% sure I would be dead all over again.
2. Jesus easily could've commanded the graveclothes off of Lazarus.  I honestly believe there was a purposeful inclusion of those around to step in and physically become involved.  Jesus was setting an example for us as believers to help each other...no matter how FILTHY our lives look.  No matter how SMELLY our sin. 

Being "them" can be gross, time-consuming, and HARD WORK.

But that's what we need to be.

We need to be "them."

For God's Glory...we need to become "THEM."

Just checking...and a Book Suggestion

So, I am on this new computer here (at work) and this is just a short, meaningless post to see if it will work...blogger has apparently changed some junk since my last post...


Oh, and READ "not a fan" by Kyle Idleman, please. Would love to hear thoughts on it. (look at me writing like people might be reading this. How precious!

I'm Baaaaack (again)

FRIENDS!!!

So Busy.

No Time to Blog.

Please Forgive Me!

Have U Noticed I was Gone?

"Titanic"- Sinking Ship; Sinking Culture

Telling on myself again.  Seems that’s what 90% of my posts are!  Unfortunately, there is so much to tell!!! 

This time, I am actually telling on many folks.  Makes me feel better.

Whatever year that the movie “Titanic” came out, I was teaching a PE class at the Christian school where I was coaching at the time.  Any of you that went to a small Christian school know what I was doing.  Yup, I was sitting on the bleachers, watching mass hysteria, pandemonium, and chaos on the basketball court.  At the beginning of class, I took roll, made the kids stretch, they ran 4 laps (WOW) and then I just let them have at it.  For the next 40 minutes, my job was to sit and make sure Timmy didn’t punch Bobby, and that the “Mean Girls” actually did SOMETHING other than sit on the bleachers and gossip.  If there wasn’t a fight, bloodshed, or broken bone, I had done my job!

Green Bean Juice and My Christian Walk

Obviously when you get married, there are some things you give up for your spouse.  I am not saying it is all bad, and many pre-marital counselors and their cheery, happy guidebooks will try to tell you that “You aren’t giving up anything.  You are replacing it with something better!” (SINGLE PEOPLE SKIP TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH…Do not read any further here!)  That’s a big old loaf of rotten, disgusting Bologna!

I am in NO WAY trying to say I am not 100% satisfied with my marriage.  The lifestyle I now live versus my single life is no contest.  I would choose to be married and have my amazing two kids every time if given the choice!  Nothing wrong with being single.  But I LOVE LOVE LOVE being Husband and Father.

But there ARE various activities, habits and hobbies that have to be cast away once betrothed.  And all of them are not bad!!!  Some can’t be replaced!  I ADORE MY WIFE, but watching a college football game with her is NOT as enjoyable as when my roommate and I watched together.  IT’S JUST NOT! 

Go Ahead…start bashing me!  “Insensitive, immature, pig of a man!”

Now…tell me I am wrong.  YOU CAN’T!!  Well, I guess you can, but you would be hedging.

On the flipside of the coin, you don’t only STOP doing certain things, but you also START doing things you would NEVER do if still single.  Again, not all are bad things, but some tend to be…Less than Enjoyable. (that is as nice as I could put it, in case my gorgeous Bride decides to read this post.  I love you, C.A.!  You light up my life!  You complete me. You are my Sunshine…my only Sunshine…etc., etc., etc.)

One of these concessions I have had to make is that we occasionally eat GREEN BEANS!  Single me would never…ever…never think of PURCHASING the disgusting little things, much less purposefully and knowingly EAT them. 

When I was younger, I couldn’t bear the thought of them.  My parents would put a number on how many I had to eat before I could get up from the table.  If the number was around 4 or 5, I would stack them all on a fork, close my eyes, and force down the vile nastiness.  If the number was higher, I had another way to cope. I would wait them out.  Sometimes for an hour.  Then my Dad would get up and go about his business, leaving my Mom to stand post, glaring at me, saying over and over “You will NOT get out of that chair, young man, until every green beans is GONE!”  And still I would wait.  What would happen many times was she would start cleaning the table and going to the kitchen.  We actually had one of the double-swing both ways doors that you now only see in some diners and on “The Andy Griffith Show.”  Anyway, when she headed to the kitchen, I would then make those beans GONE, alright, just as she requested!  I would grab them one at a time and launch them over and behind the china cabinet.  This would go on for several beans, until I had it whittled down to one or two beans left, then I would stop chucking them and wait until she saw me eat the last two.  You know, to prove I am an awesome kid…who took 2 hours to eat 12 beans.

I got away with this activity from about age 4 until 6.  Then we moved.  And one of the worst spankings/floggings/whoopin’s I ever got was when the movers came and moved that cabinet.  Dried old hard beans.  Various colors at this point.  And some actually stuck to the wall where they were on display for all to see.

I still think the sore rear end was worth not having to ingest those despicable things.

Fast forward 30 years…there is my lovely wife.  Her first trip to the grocery store as newlyweds, and guess what she proudly threw in the buggy, spending our hard-earned money on?  I can’t even write it. 

I MARRIED A GREEN BEAN EATER!!!!

The Word of God speaks several times about being unequally yoked…I am not sure if it is speaking to salvation, style of living, calling…perhaps it is speaking to those with different views of Green Beans! (that is a joke, people…relax)

So, still once every two weeks or so, after almost 8 years of marriage, we eat Green Beans.  I tried to show her the error of her ways and reason with her…to no avail.  I have grown to where they are tolerable.  I still dislike them, and would NEVER choose them for myself, but if my wife and kids like them, then I can suffer for them.  Ugh.

This past Tuesday, we had Chicken, Mac & Cheese, Orange Slices….and Green Beans for dinner.  No problem.  There was enough that I liked that I could handle it!  I tolerated the Green Beans first, then reveled in eating the other items.

I always take the leftovers to lunch with me the next day, if we have any.  My wife or I put them into a cool 3-Sectioned Rubbermaid container (they should pay me for the free advertising).  There were enough of each item to take all 4 items.  So in the large section we put the Chicken and Mac, then a small section for the Green Beans and Oranges.  Now that is a good lunch!!!  And free-ish!

Lunch time rolled around Wednesday, and I took the meal out of the fridge, and ate the Oranges!  Can’t heat those up!

Then put the container in the microwave.  Smelled so good because of the Mac&Cheese!!!  Then headed to my desk.

My first bite was a piece of the breaded Chicken, and….it was soggy.  It was completely thoroughly covered…IN GREEN BEAN JUICE!!!  I wanted to hurl!  So, I frantically picked up the other 3 pieces, only to find the same thing…then the worst thought hit me…NOT MY MAC AND CHEESE TOO!!!!  My Mac&Cheese was sopping wet, soaking…nay floating in the putrid liquid.  WHY ME?!?!  The only thing NOT ruined by the Green Bean juice was the Green Beans!!! 

Regardless, I ate it all, and it was not fun.  The delicious Mac&Cheese I had been so proud to have was shot.  The tasty Chicken that would have been the envy of desk-workers across the globe was tainted! 

BY GREEN BEAN JUICE

Later, this got my strange brain to thinkin’.  What about my life?  What about my walk with Christ?

Have I kept myself from being tainted by the world?  Or am I soggy with the worldly life?  There are so many things in this life that would do the same thing to us that the GB Juice did to my lunch.  Make us disgusting.  Gross. 

And not just to ourselves!!  Most of us when we realize things are off, or we have sin and vileness in our lives, instead of making it right with God, we want to make sure it is hidden from our neighbors FIRST!!  How flipped is that?

So many people, including myself, want to see Father as so loving and forgiving and over-looking, if I may coin a phrase.  We want to focus on the fact that He sees past our faults.  We love to pull out “as far as the east is from the west.”  We roll around in it and make it our anthem…

But

What about where the Word tells us we can make Him SICK?  We can become so awful and disgusting in our lives that we make GOD become nauseated!  That is a HEAVY THOUGHT.  WOW…that we can make the Creator of all things ILL by our lives…yet, we seem to be totally ok with it. 

We adapt. 

We find ways to alleviate the guilt. 

We can reason away our lifestyles and claim to be “in the world, but not of it” all we want as we become more and more saturated with the worldview that makes GOD WANT TO THROW UP!

Let’s all take the time to look at our lives.  Are we covered in sins that we have become accustomed to, not realizing how sick we are making Father?  Are our lives, that we may have told ourselves are up to par and holy, actually nauseous before our Heavenly Father???

Time to get cleaned up!