22 November 2013

TOP POST: I am MAD at my Pastor...

I think it is semi-sad this is my most viewed post.  I assume it is because alot of people are typing in that they are mad at their pastors, and they must be doing ALOT of reading about it to find my blog!!!  I have to be waaaaay down the list.  Then, I am no help, because I am actually not angry with my pastor after all...

Anyway, this is the most viewed post...so far:

I am upset with my Pastor.  He is a wonderful, godly man who I have known for years.  He has an impeccable reputation.  He started our church not quite 9 months ago, and we have an average attendance of right at 1,000 every week.  Awesome personality.  Fantastic teacher of the Word.  He has an amazing vision for what our church can be!

But, boy, am I mad at him right now....

21 November 2013

I don't even know what this is supposed to look like...kind of like Twerking.

Man, so much to say.  So little worth saying.

Not trying to sound like a lyric or poetic, but that is how I feel.

I have started typing a blog post so many times in the last few months and I usually get about 3-4 paragraphs in, and self-doubt creeps in.  I start questioning my own premise.  Not sure I am worried about being right or wrong.  I am worried about what whoever reads it will think of me.

If you are reading this, you are probably one of the few who read regularly, and a couple of you know me personally…anonymous writing had advantages, but there is always the being known.

Also for me, because I am running from something, hiding out here, I feel vulnerable to unforeseen dangers. 

What if this person finds me here?  What if word gets out I have a blog? What if, what if what if?

I feel I have something to say.  Only a handful read it, and I have had positive feedback.

It’s the shame of my past.  I have no right to write anything with authority.  Who am I that I should be able to critique or even have an opinion on spiritual and moral matters?

I am not sure if this is a farewell post or not.

This blog started as a journal, suggested to me by someone who was counseling me through a very rough patch in my life.  One that I am not sure will ever end here on earth.

So, if a journal, I feel freedom to type this rambling, open-ended crap and don’t care that you think it is stupid and a waste of time to write it. 

I just don’t know if I should put it all away or start again under a different anonymous name.  Start one with my face on it?  Keep this all to myself?
We’ll see.

For now, I will re-publish some of my earlier posts…can’t hurt.  Maybe that will inspire…