Man, so much to say.
So little worth saying.
Not trying to sound like a lyric or poetic, but that is how
I feel.
I have started typing a blog post so many times in the last
few months and I usually get about 3-4 paragraphs in, and self-doubt creeps
in. I start questioning my own
premise. Not sure I am worried about
being right or wrong. I am worried about
what whoever reads it will think of me.
If you are reading this, you are probably one of the few who
read regularly, and a couple of you know me personally…anonymous writing had
advantages, but there is always the being known.
Also for me, because I am running from something, hiding out
here, I feel vulnerable to unforeseen dangers.
What if this person finds me here? What if word gets out I have a blog? What if,
what if what if?
I feel I have something to say. Only a handful read it, and I have had
positive feedback.
It’s the shame of my past.
I have no right to write anything with authority. Who am I that I should be able to critique or
even have an opinion on spiritual and moral matters?
I am not sure if this is a farewell post or not.
This blog started as a journal, suggested to me by someone who
was counseling me through a very rough patch in my life. One that I am not sure will ever end here on
earth.
So, if a journal, I feel freedom to type this rambling,
open-ended crap and don’t care that you think it is stupid and a waste of time
to write it.
I just don’t know if I should put it all away or start again
under a different anonymous name. Start
one with my face on it? Keep this all to
myself?
We’ll see.For now, I will re-publish some of my earlier posts…can’t hurt. Maybe that will inspire…
Keep blogging no matter what others think. None of us have the right to write from authority unless we are standing on the Word of God. However, we are all free to write our thoughts and observations. We are all sinners and in need of God's grace. No one is so scarred from their past sin that they are unable to experience God's grace and write personal commentary about it. No one is so scarred from their past sin that they cannot experience God's grace and stand on the Word of God and declare his glory. Paul said he was the worst sinner imaginable and yet he wrote both under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and he also wrote his own personal thoughts to other believers. If you still feel like you are not in the category of a Paul, then go preach the gospel to a rough crowd, get beat within an inch of your life, and then you can write from the perspective of a different type of scars.
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