Man, so much to say.
So little worth saying.
Not trying to sound like a lyric or poetic, but that is how
I feel.
I have started typing a blog post so many times in the last
few months and I usually get about 3-4 paragraphs in, and self-doubt creeps
in. I start questioning my own
premise. Not sure I am worried about
being right or wrong. I am worried about
what whoever reads it will think of me.
If you are reading this, you are probably one of the few who
read regularly, and a couple of you know me personally…anonymous writing had
advantages, but there is always the being known.
Also for me, because I am running from something, hiding out
here, I feel vulnerable to unforeseen dangers.
What if this person finds me here? What if word gets out I have a blog? What if,
what if what if?
I feel I have something to say. Only a handful read it, and I have had
positive feedback.
It’s the shame of my past.
I have no right to write anything with authority. Who am I that I should be able to critique or
even have an opinion on spiritual and moral matters?
I am not sure if this is a farewell post or not.
This blog started as a journal, suggested to me by someone who
was counseling me through a very rough patch in my life. One that I am not sure will ever end here on
earth.
So, if a journal, I feel freedom to type this rambling,
open-ended crap and don’t care that you think it is stupid and a waste of time
to write it.
I just don’t know if I should put it all away or start again
under a different anonymous name. Start
one with my face on it? Keep this all to
myself?
We’ll see.
For now, I will re-publish some of my earlier posts…can’t
hurt. Maybe that will inspire…