Me = UnSmooth Squared

So, there's this guy at work. He is not large in stature, and is picked on about it often. But he is smooth as Billy D. Williams, circa 1982. Seriously cool and chill. The guy who always has that half-smile working that makes you wonder if he is seriously smiling at you, or just feels pity on you and makes you think you are smile-worthy.


Anyway, we work in individual cubicles, each with our own phone with an outside line. The only way anyone ever calls is either:
1) we gave the number to them, or
B) someone mis-dialed. I tend to get the most people calling in asking for Betty, the lunchroom, Dr. Simon, the janitor, etc. I am joked on about this often. Apparently my number used to be the central # for all of Montgomery, and everyone called it for everyone. Like the lady Andy Taylor called on "The Andy Griffith Show" to get Goober, or The Darlings....didn't matter.

I have to be careful of how I answer the phone, because it might be my wife calling to tell me to pick up some chicken nuggets on the way home, or it might be the Governor looking for someone much more important that me.

My Co-worker doesn't care.

I offer up a sheepish "Hearings and Appeals..." when I answer. My inflection always tremendously weak and timid on the "peals" portion.

My co-worker started with "Department of Industrial Relations." Then he moved to "Hearings and Appeals" said kind of abruptly leaving no doubt that he is in charge.

But now he has taken things to a level I could never attain. When his phone rings, he puts on the deep, radio at midnight-guy grovel and simply says...

"Pierre."

So smooth. So silky. Said like there are 10-13 Rs in there...Pierrrrrrre. I am GREEN with Envy.

My name doesn't lend itself to that. Furthermore, I could never pull it off. My nasal, high pitched voice would be rejected. I imagine even if my own Mother called me, and I answered like that, she would probably hang up in my face.

Well done, Pierre. Well done. I am a fan.