FRIENDS!!!

So Busy.

No Time to Blog.

Please Forgive Me!

Have U Noticed I was Gone?

"Titanic"- Sinking Ship; Sinking Culture

Telling on myself again.  Seems that’s what 90% of my posts are!  Unfortunately, there is so much to tell!!! 

This time, I am actually telling on many folks.  Makes me feel better.

Whatever year that the movie “Titanic” came out, I was teaching a PE class at the Christian school where I was coaching at the time.  Any of you that went to a small Christian school know what I was doing.  Yup, I was sitting on the bleachers, watching mass hysteria, pandemonium, and chaos on the basketball court.  At the beginning of class, I took roll, made the kids stretch, they ran 4 laps (WOW) and then I just let them have at it.  For the next 40 minutes, my job was to sit and make sure Timmy didn’t punch Bobby, and that the “Mean Girls” actually did SOMETHING other than sit on the bleachers and gossip.  If there wasn’t a fight, bloodshed, or broken bone, I had done my job!

Green Bean Juice and My Christian Walk

Obviously when you get married, there are some things you give up for your spouse.  I am not saying it is all bad, and many pre-marital counselors and their cheery, happy guidebooks will try to tell you that “You aren’t giving up anything.  You are replacing it with something better!” (SINGLE PEOPLE SKIP TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH…Do not read any further here!)  That’s a big old loaf of rotten, disgusting Bologna!

I am in NO WAY trying to say I am not 100% satisfied with my marriage.  The lifestyle I now live versus my single life is no contest.  I would choose to be married and have my amazing two kids every time if given the choice!  Nothing wrong with being single.  But I LOVE LOVE LOVE being Husband and Father.

But there ARE various activities, habits and hobbies that have to be cast away once betrothed.  And all of them are not bad!!!  Some can’t be replaced!  I ADORE MY WIFE, but watching a college football game with her is NOT as enjoyable as when my roommate and I watched together.  IT’S JUST NOT! 

Go Ahead…start bashing me!  “Insensitive, immature, pig of a man!”

Now…tell me I am wrong.  YOU CAN’T!!  Well, I guess you can, but you would be hedging.

On the flipside of the coin, you don’t only STOP doing certain things, but you also START doing things you would NEVER do if still single.  Again, not all are bad things, but some tend to be…Less than Enjoyable. (that is as nice as I could put it, in case my gorgeous Bride decides to read this post.  I love you, C.A.!  You light up my life!  You complete me. You are my Sunshine…my only Sunshine…etc., etc., etc.)

One of these concessions I have had to make is that we occasionally eat GREEN BEANS!  Single me would never…ever…never think of PURCHASING the disgusting little things, much less purposefully and knowingly EAT them. 

When I was younger, I couldn’t bear the thought of them.  My parents would put a number on how many I had to eat before I could get up from the table.  If the number was around 4 or 5, I would stack them all on a fork, close my eyes, and force down the vile nastiness.  If the number was higher, I had another way to cope. I would wait them out.  Sometimes for an hour.  Then my Dad would get up and go about his business, leaving my Mom to stand post, glaring at me, saying over and over “You will NOT get out of that chair, young man, until every green beans is GONE!”  And still I would wait.  What would happen many times was she would start cleaning the table and going to the kitchen.  We actually had one of the double-swing both ways doors that you now only see in some diners and on “The Andy Griffith Show.”  Anyway, when she headed to the kitchen, I would then make those beans GONE, alright, just as she requested!  I would grab them one at a time and launch them over and behind the china cabinet.  This would go on for several beans, until I had it whittled down to one or two beans left, then I would stop chucking them and wait until she saw me eat the last two.  You know, to prove I am an awesome kid…who took 2 hours to eat 12 beans.

I got away with this activity from about age 4 until 6.  Then we moved.  And one of the worst spankings/floggings/whoopin’s I ever got was when the movers came and moved that cabinet.  Dried old hard beans.  Various colors at this point.  And some actually stuck to the wall where they were on display for all to see.

I still think the sore rear end was worth not having to ingest those despicable things.

Fast forward 30 years…there is my lovely wife.  Her first trip to the grocery store as newlyweds, and guess what she proudly threw in the buggy, spending our hard-earned money on?  I can’t even write it. 

I MARRIED A GREEN BEAN EATER!!!!

The Word of God speaks several times about being unequally yoked…I am not sure if it is speaking to salvation, style of living, calling…perhaps it is speaking to those with different views of Green Beans! (that is a joke, people…relax)

So, still once every two weeks or so, after almost 8 years of marriage, we eat Green Beans.  I tried to show her the error of her ways and reason with her…to no avail.  I have grown to where they are tolerable.  I still dislike them, and would NEVER choose them for myself, but if my wife and kids like them, then I can suffer for them.  Ugh.

This past Tuesday, we had Chicken, Mac & Cheese, Orange Slices….and Green Beans for dinner.  No problem.  There was enough that I liked that I could handle it!  I tolerated the Green Beans first, then reveled in eating the other items.

I always take the leftovers to lunch with me the next day, if we have any.  My wife or I put them into a cool 3-Sectioned Rubbermaid container (they should pay me for the free advertising).  There were enough of each item to take all 4 items.  So in the large section we put the Chicken and Mac, then a small section for the Green Beans and Oranges.  Now that is a good lunch!!!  And free-ish!

Lunch time rolled around Wednesday, and I took the meal out of the fridge, and ate the Oranges!  Can’t heat those up!

Then put the container in the microwave.  Smelled so good because of the Mac&Cheese!!!  Then headed to my desk.

My first bite was a piece of the breaded Chicken, and….it was soggy.  It was completely thoroughly covered…IN GREEN BEAN JUICE!!!  I wanted to hurl!  So, I frantically picked up the other 3 pieces, only to find the same thing…then the worst thought hit me…NOT MY MAC AND CHEESE TOO!!!!  My Mac&Cheese was sopping wet, soaking…nay floating in the putrid liquid.  WHY ME?!?!  The only thing NOT ruined by the Green Bean juice was the Green Beans!!! 

Regardless, I ate it all, and it was not fun.  The delicious Mac&Cheese I had been so proud to have was shot.  The tasty Chicken that would have been the envy of desk-workers across the globe was tainted! 

BY GREEN BEAN JUICE

Later, this got my strange brain to thinkin’.  What about my life?  What about my walk with Christ?

Have I kept myself from being tainted by the world?  Or am I soggy with the worldly life?  There are so many things in this life that would do the same thing to us that the GB Juice did to my lunch.  Make us disgusting.  Gross. 

And not just to ourselves!!  Most of us when we realize things are off, or we have sin and vileness in our lives, instead of making it right with God, we want to make sure it is hidden from our neighbors FIRST!!  How flipped is that?

So many people, including myself, want to see Father as so loving and forgiving and over-looking, if I may coin a phrase.  We want to focus on the fact that He sees past our faults.  We love to pull out “as far as the east is from the west.”  We roll around in it and make it our anthem…

But

What about where the Word tells us we can make Him SICK?  We can become so awful and disgusting in our lives that we make GOD become nauseated!  That is a HEAVY THOUGHT.  WOW…that we can make the Creator of all things ILL by our lives…yet, we seem to be totally ok with it. 

We adapt. 

We find ways to alleviate the guilt. 

We can reason away our lifestyles and claim to be “in the world, but not of it” all we want as we become more and more saturated with the worldview that makes GOD WANT TO THROW UP!

Let’s all take the time to look at our lives.  Are we covered in sins that we have become accustomed to, not realizing how sick we are making Father?  Are our lives, that we may have told ourselves are up to par and holy, actually nauseous before our Heavenly Father???

Time to get cleaned up!

Happy Father’s Day? Bah Humbug!

HERE IT COMES!!!

Can you feel it?  I know I can!!!

It is as predictable as Old Faithful, and as on time every year as Christmas!

That’s right…

IT’S TIME FOR THE ANNUAL BASHING THE MEN SERMON, aka FATHER’S DAY!!!

While I cannot predict most events because the world is just that way, there are two things I can predict with certainty…Mother’s will be praised on Mother’s Day…and Father’s will be lambasted on Father’s Day!

Perhaps this is a southern phenomenon.  Mother’s Day includes sermons about how awesome Mom’s are.  Poems.  Birds singing.  Proverbs 31 thrown around like crazy.  Perhaps a segment where the kids describe Mommy in 1 positive, uplifting word. “pretty” “nice” “Iloveher” (which is NOT 1 WORD, but they get away with it on Mother’s Day.)

Fast Forward to Father’s Day.  Low-lifes.  Terrible leaders.  “Step it up!” sermons abound. All of the United State’s problems trace back to the pitiful Dads.  They ask the junior church kids to describe their Daddy, and the words are derogatory and mocking. “lazy” “weird” “long-nose-hair” (again…NOT 1 WORD, but if it is a humorous mockery of ol’ Dad, it is permissible!!!)

Is it at all POSSIBLE that there is ONE family out there where the Father is the better parent?  If so, it isn’t around here!!!  But, I listen to sermons on-line from outside my geographical area, and it seems that Dad’s are awful role models from California to South Carolina to Texas….UN-BE-LIEVABLE!

So, if you are a Father out there…put on the whole armor of God…to be able to stand against the attacks of your pastor this weekend.

And Mom’s go ahead and start practicing your “Amen’s” and “Preach It, Brother's.”  This is your day, not ours!!!

Maybe I will reinforce the sermon’s point and stay home this week.  I am not sure I am up for the verbal beating that awaits me this Sunday.

Happy Father’s Day…yeah, right.

!!!SDRAWKCAB

OK, so this is my first e-mail/copy to blogger post. And I have to tell you something. It is strange. Like really weird.


Hard to explain. Not having my familiar blogger tools and dropdowns and fonts…I didn’t have to sign in to get started. My typing isn’t the familiar Trebuchet. Red. Normal. Occasionally interspersed with blue, green or black to try to make some point.

In a way, this is harder!

I know, I know....

For those who haven't read every single Lazarus post, I am a very unique blogger....I DON'T OWN A COMPUTER!!!

I know, kind of crazy to start a blog, knowing you have that elephant-sized problem...

I had access to all things internet at work, so it wasn't an issue...

Now, it is.

Our Department got a new Assistant Director.  Her very FIRST order of business???  Audit the entire Department of Industrial Relations to see which job descriptions call for internet.  Obviously...mine does not.

My awesome brother-in-law has suggested that I write an email to myself and copy and paste whenever I do get internet access.  Seems like a great idea.

Fear not!  I will be writing again soon!  (Thank you to Leslie for checking in on me!

Please pray for the citizens of my great state, ALABAMA dealing with the aftermath of horrific Tonados last week.  The outpouring of the community has been amazing, but some areas, frankly, will never be what they once were, including the town of Tuscaloosa.

Thank you, and MORE TO COME SOON!!!

YAY!! I HAVE ARRIVED! Guest Post over on GROWUP318!!

OK...all 6 of my followers...you have to do a favor for me!

Head over to Grow Up 318 to read a guest post I wrote for her about being EXCITED about what God has done, is doing, and WILL DO!

I love Heather Joy's blog, because she is real, and comes from a similar place I do (Fundy Kids Unite!).  Look around over there and read what she has to say.  It is solid, thought-provoking material.

Her series of posts "Confessions of a RIFB Girl" are AWESOME!  She pokes fun at some of the topics that I grew up thinking were Convictions, but were really Preferences.

She does good work!  Go read there, and BE SURE TO LEAVE A COMMENT OR TWO!!!

Inferiority and Un-Ugly People

SO, I am walking out of Zoe's Kitchen the other night (I love their food, when I can afford it...yum) and almost run slam over a young lady.  We were coming in different directions, heading for the same door.  I fortunately caught myself before I plowed over her, or at the very least broke her toes as I clumsily tried to put on the breaks...hey, I need to lose a few pounds, ok?

Anyway, we kind of bumped shoulders and I almost dropped my tea.  This would've been much more upsetting to me than crushing her feet!  We both awkwardly said "Excuse me, " and made eye contact....

Now, before we go on, I AM INDEED 100% MARRIED AND THINK MY WIFE IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN  ON THE PLANET.  I mean that.

That said, this young lady was very, very, very, very, very, very NOT Ugly. (this type of verbiage is approved by my BEAUTIFUL WIFE!!!)  Get off my back and stop judging...

Who will be #100?

I started this blog as an outlet for my own crazy observations/spiritual life lessons. 

Why? 

On those occasions when I was asked to speak to a student group, men's fellowship, or teacher's meeting, I found myself looking at events from my own life as illustrations.  And realized there was plenty to work with (sometimes good..mostly where I screwed up).  Not that drawing on stories of others is not a good thing, but there was so much material in my own world that could be drawn from that it made it more real to me.


I honestly thought that I would have one friend who would read it, and that would be it.


I am not saying I am the next Jon Acuff or JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary, but it has been nice to get feedback from people all over the 'Net regarding my posts. 

Apparently, I have one person in both Germany and the UK who reads every post.  That's cool to me!

Last week I passed over 1,000 Pageviews.

And now I sit at 99 comments. 

Thank you to all who have read. 

Thank you to all who have commented.

I hope I encourage you through this random-thought-filled, quasi-diary of jargon and awkward writing!!!

Whoever does post Comment #100 will win exactly nothing, which has a cash value of zilch! 

Let the Race begin!!!!

Tracking Down Brian...

OK...almost didn't get a chance to write this, but since yesterday I wrote that I would tomorrow and tomorrow is today, I can't post another saying I will write tomorrow again because that would be day after tomorrow when I wrote I would tomorrow, and with my loyal readership of 3, I gotta keep it real!

IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THIS POST ABOUT AN AWESOME KID I KNEW WAY BACK NAMED BRIAN THEN YOU WON'T "GET IT."

Update Tomorrow....

Please read my blog post entitled

"Interior Decorating, Hardee's, and Psalm 77"

I got an update on Brian from the story I told...

I can't wait to share it!! 

Interior Decorating, Hardee's, and Psalm 77

When I was a senior in high school (FEELIN' GREAT, LOOKIN' FINE, 'CUZ WE'RE THE CLASS OF 89), I became pretty close to my basketball coach and his family.  They had a son roughly my age, so I would find myself over at their house often.  They were new to the school, and were a blast to be around.  I actually blame Coach M for some of my sarcasm.


They had a son that was in 10th grade, a daughter in 7th, and another son in 1st grade.  Just so happens I was the 1st grade "teacher's aide" that year at our school, so I was assigned to Brian's class. 

When I was introduced to Brian, before I met Coach M, I could tell something was definitely different.  Not wrong...just different.  He was not very good in class, and at a small Christian school, there was no one there equipped to help Brian how he needed to be helped.  He lasted about 2 weeks before he had to be home-schooled.


Brian had autism.

I Love the 80's...Love Notes Edition!

When I was in high school in the late 80's, there was no facebook, twitter, myspace, or texting as avenues for romance.  What we had was the plain old white sheet of paper.  Of course it was intricately folded so that there was a little flap to secure it...can't let others see your note.  Love Notes were an art form.  Different colors of ink and marker were used.  The amount of time put into them was not brief.  I remember getting one with Glitter in it (not a good idea, by the way). Love Notes were the currency of Emotion!!  At my school, we even called them "Jewels."  

Lame?  Nerdy?

Yes...And Very.

AHA!!! Satan is trying the ol' switcheroo!!!

This post may have absolutely ZERO relevance to anyone but me.  So?  This blog started as a journal, and I actually have a small few who read it, therefore, I can write personal issues and not feel bad about it.  I mean, I am no Jon Acuff, right?

When I was a highly successful, much decorated, well-respected (had enough?) basketball coach, one of my favorite things to do to the opposing team was to lull them into a sense of comfort.  Even granting them success at times....How so?

And the Award for Best Actor goes to....

I am not a big fan of movie/tv/music awards shows, but I would be lying if I didn't say I tune in a few times a night to check them out.  Back in my free-wheelin' college days, I was actually into it a bit.  I would try to see all of the films up for Best Picture at the Oscars before the show.  Just a hobby...stop judging. (You have something, too.)

A couple Sundays ago, the Golden Globes were on.  My wife and I turned by when they were giving some kind of lifetime achievement award to Robert DeNiro.  They played an amazing montage of many of his movies.  He truly is fantastic.  Sitting there watching, probably 3 or 4 times I said "I forgot about him in that movie."  He has done a wonderful job in so many films, I guess I remembered the top 4 or 5, and kind of shuffled the rest away.

But when he started to make his speech...YIKES!

"Wet Spaghetti" Reminder...Get the Surgery!!!

Circa 1995, I knew a young lady who had a problem in that she was waaaaay too competitive.  She knew it.  I knew it.  Her family knew it.  The dozen or so broken putters from various miniature golf courses around the southeast knew it.  I would sometimes purposefully draw cards in UNO, even if I had the winning card!! 

It was BAD!  Not good bad.  Not Michael Jackson with a cool, catchy beat and terrible music video "Bad."  Just Bad!